Sunday, September 2, 2007

Storytime: Iraq Happy Talk & Iran Horrors

George Bush is going to tell the world a story. Smallish pieces of it might well be true according to Giupetto Cheney. It will feature real estate demons of al Qaeda devaluing Bush's trillion dollar Iraq foreclosure property and the evil nouveau nuclear stepneighbors amassing illegal weapons in the uranium bunker dungeon for nefarious purposes. International fairies with heavy British accents pre-emptively have commanding generals blasting gaping holes in Bush's presidential "truthiness", pointing to rank incompetence and daring to show the troll errors of American neocon wisdom.

Against this dire backdrop, the evil furry trolls from Siberia planted a titanium flag claiming the Arctic sea as theirs, put fighter pilots in the sky - accidentally fragging Georgia with a bomb as they tested their prowess under a shirtless, strangely hunky leader Putin. Canada, the nicest ever quiet neighbors to the north, threw a temper tantrum any toddler would give great thumb suck approval on at Resolute Bay with their new harpy leader, Harper, showcasing Maple Leaf ferocity in taking on Russia's absurd assertions. Canada owns the North Pole. Norway not to be frozen out says, no way, because they are sprouting new islands for the coming land grab. Future battles will be fought sumo astronaut style on the moon with Red Riding Wolf betting the crater on The Global Warming Super Polluters as a War & Peace novel defies gravity and decks Porky Pig.

With the American economy held at knife point by lenders who built a Great Wall and a 5,000 year old culture, a seven year old president is reduced to weepy moans and pleas to the patient China parent holding all the ca$h because the kid stupidly spent it on a fake WMD house of cards. Of course, China's recent war games with Russia mean nothing to the plot. It was a million dollar one night stand, except they invited Iraq's evil stepneighbor to party on like it was 1999. Ah, but then American flying monkeys captured some of the evil stepneighbors, and um, realized more mistakes were made releasing their merry Iran men back into Sherwood Desert. War plans against the stepneighbors have hit fever pitch with storyboards saying exactly what to blowup in the Pentadragon's animation fantasy.

Meanwhile, presidential fake story time was booked for September, a very Magical September with excellent ratings numbers for Americans hypnotized by the stage music, bad boys, bad boys - whatcha gonna do when they come for you -bad boyz, bad boyz... Bush anointed a general to comeback to spread happy talk manure about how the magic beans were sprouting after a surge in troops and a splurge in dollars. Thank goodness the fertilizer being used is environmentally friendly. Except, these other people kept under the toll bridge felt a copyright infringement by Bush lying about their actual reality documentary version of Magical September. Thier real tales are of the good elves being disappeared as the Halloween stage set explodes in a shock of body parts around other areas as the president pleads for more time to make Texas Chainsaw Massacre MMVIII really bloody as remaining friendly fairies pull out of Basra. The Iraqi dwarf government makes a Grumpy appeal for calm on behalf Happy who was on vacation as a member of either the parliament or the American Congress, after Sneezy achooed all over Dopey's government.

Congressional delegations traipsed to Iraq to get a first hand "view" of Iraq from neato military pre-made powerpoint presentations, surrounded by picturesque armored personnel carriers and fortunate brave soldiers carrying 75 pounds of protective gear in 130 degree heat to guide the lambs of peace on a tour of a small neighborhood with intermittent electricity nor regular running water inside a little area in the Green Zone prison. As the Congressional professional Bush water carriers got on their special Hercules C-130 and exit stage right, it is shot at by accidental insurgent tourist terrorists, a salute open to interpretation. Congressional members said it proved the surge was working. The koolaid in the Green Zone is magnificent:

Sen Shelby, Sen Martinez and Mr Cramer said the recent increase in US troop levels had helped stabilise parts of the country.

These blind oracles of obfuscation missed the fatal outbreak of cholera in other areas. This comes amidst whispers of a wishin' and a hopin' for a new leader to rise amidst the rubble of a once proud country. We want that for Iraq too.

The End...

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