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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Hillary's Upcoming Fun Concession Speech

When Hillary finally gets around to delivering her concession speech, she should have fun with it. After all, it will be in all the history books. Who wants to be remembered as the first viable female presidential candidate that was clueless on when to leave. Finally, when she does it, the atmosphere will be in a fanfare of huffiness, broken crockery, vile insults, supporters in tears and a pugnacious staff breathing heavy sighs of relief they could get their résumé or CV's over to the Obama camp post haste. Some of them seem to have their heart-shaped envelopes ready for 3 am special deliveries to John McCain - yes, I am talking about the insignificant Mark Penn, Hillary's self-styled "Chief Strategist" rather than just her campaign's pollster chief geek. Jonathan Alter, of Newsweek, was right saying Penn had an abysmal emotional intelligence quotient.

Hillary could say stuff like, I contacted the Ghost Guru I used in the White House to communicate with Eleanor Roosevelt. Eleanor is urging me to stay in there and fight for it and make Puerto Rico my new beachhead. But patience is now on the wane with her.

For once in her life, Hillary is going to publicly acknowledge a skinny, six foot, black speed bump with big ears caused a motorcade sized pile up into her presidential fortunes. Guessing there will be something in that future goodbye speech acknowledging retaining her delegates until the convention, just in case folks want to change their minds at the last minute because women understand that sort of thing. Talk about the Audacity of Hope. Mind you, it is the junior senator from New York & Bill donning the matching red martyr capes saying its because she's a girl being bullied by the "big boys" into giving up her inheritance, presidential campaign. Hillary's first rate education obviously did not include real people's math or the logic of the ancients. Her former pundit buddies are now getting brave, saying out loud its time for her to say so long. How do you declare victory by saying the states she won are hers exclusively and nobody else can win them in a general election and have a Clinton smitten press corps take it as a Gospel from Hillary?
Mrs. Clinton told aides that she would not be "bullied out" of the race, and in a conversation with two Democratic allies, she compared the situation to the "big boys" trying to bully a woman, according to interviews with them.

Mrs. Clinton's campaign, in a fund-raising e-mail to supporters, noted a pattern to calls for her to withdraw.

"Every time our campaign demonstrates its strength and resilience, people start to suggest we should end our pursuit of the Democratic nomination," said the note, which made no mention of Mr. Leahy. "Those anxious to force us to the sidelines aren't doing it because they think we're going to lose the upcoming primaries. The fact is, they're reading the same polls we are, and they know we are in a position to win."
Her upcoming concession speech should show some truthful wit. I took a few minutes to scribble a thoughtful narrative for her. Hillary can take what she feels comfortable sharing to make this work for her.
Goodbye or rather Good Evening, America - It is hard, very hard to soldier on when you lose three elections in a row and have to tout your website addy to get money and then go on to lose some more in a Fourth-of-July fireworks spectacular fashion. By the eleventh loss in a row, I was numb, shocked and awed, but still sentient enough to seek more money. I elevated losing to an art form with the new Penn math science. That's the American way. Do not give up in the face of being able to get votes from Rush Limbaugh Liberals for A Day to the helpful tune of 125,000 votes. They liked me, they really liked me, because they knew John McCain wanted me by his side in the race.

I saw a chance to be there for America, especially at 3 am, when if the phone rang and it was a general from somewhere saying something bad happened, it would be a violent breach of the military command structure, but for purposes of my brilliant red phone ad, Americans did not need to know that. Of course, the president is supposed to choose from options. I chose to continue my quixotic campaign out of an obligation to garner a historical sympathetic nod to how badly and soundly I had my presidential seal, watercress sandwiches and rightful Black supporters taken from me in a comedy of errors committed while under the influence of campaigning, Clinton style.

My rehab will go well. I shall write a book outlining how the Forces of Evil align and make you say stuff under duress that made my mom call me at 3 am, tsk tsking. My repeated good statements about the lovely Keating 5 McCain displayed my heartfelt presidential crush. I am sorry that became public - Bill and I shared many a TV dinner watching the Sopranos discussing how wonderful he was running for president at such an advanced age, with no stamina to fundraise and representing an Emperor Bush Third term. We were doing our part to make it an even contest and during the primary, it was wrong, way wrong, but it felt so good to share that small piece of myself with the world.

Repairing my friendships with my colleagues and Bill's former cabinet members who publicly rejected me, will be part of my cognitive therapy. Those shallow relationships meant the world to me until they decided the other guy was actually qualified to be president. It's hard being atop Mount Inevitable, where no female has been before, then realizing the super delegates that got me up there mutinied by greasing my bottom and shoving me down the slick slip'n slide melting mountain. I slid further and faster than any presidential female candidate ever and shall make it my new life's work to prepare others for that kind of ride. Hitting bottom, back among the real mortals, is going to take a period of adjustment.

Please give me and my family some privacy during this difficult time. It's going to take a lot out of me when I go to Colorado to say all those wonderful things about Barack Obama that will contradict everything I said earlier this year. My therapist will help sort through in which speeches I may have been shading the truth because of my inner wannabe president. Alas, my real trembling moment will come on January 20, 2009, as I watch Michelle Obama hold a family Bible, then Barack natters on about something that will make the pundits, my former friends, cry with Hope. As a member of the Senate, I will then have to call him Mr. President. That's gonna be tough, much harder than telling you all I am now exiting the presidential arena after standing there taking sniper fire and hearing the roar of the crowds after the Lions were released as I brought Peace to Northern Ireland. Those heady moments in the campaign will live on in Perpetuity.
Hillary has a role in History, but will she live up or down to it? On February 24th, I said Hillary had a choice. So much water under the bridge now makes for even harder feelings from those that supported her bid, but its not yet too late for redemption. Hillary needs to display a sense of humour. And no she should not be his VP as some part of a consolation booby prize or mythical press invention of a "Dream Ticket". Hillary would make an outstanding jurist as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of The United States.

In case Hillary wants to catch up on some advance reading on the current happenings at SCOTUS, I highly recommend Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story of the Struggle for Control of the United States Supreme Court by another University of Chicago trained lawyer, Jan Crawford Greenburg.

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